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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in tokeone's LiveJournal:

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    Monday, October 24th, 2005
    1:10 am
    indy not indie
    i dont think ive ever returned from a trip more sad
    it was good, it was bad, i returned alone until 11-6

    id like to give special thanks to the wonderful people at:
    chick-fil-a, white castle, hardees, krystal hamburger, and meijer.
    seeing 505 shadowcrest was weird, standing on the playground at stoney creek was surreal, and being in a similar house and understanding the space i used to think was so big was uncomfortable...

    conner prarie... maybe 06. but it was good seeing ya.

    so for now, ill just quote some brand new and be off to bed
    "Tell all the English boys you meet
    bout the American boy back in the states
    The American boy you used to date
    who would do anything you say"
    Friday, July 22nd, 2005
    12:24 pm
    In the desert you can remember your name 'Cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain
    id like to thank the following:
    neil young, kd, n, junky, frisch, d-del, double d, lj, dre, km, tb, buttafuch, woog, b, ped, mycar, mp, ema, myke, ds, persians in salvaged mercedes, car bombs, ranking out, and anything else thats helped me keep my head above water this last week...
    you cant harp on the better when youre on a good.
    SUMMER 2005... i gotta feeling its gonna be the last.
    Sunday, July 17th, 2005
    6:59 pm
    if only
    he sat at the door after you went
    i asked him to move so that i could go outside
    inhale slowly, taking off a few more years
    he showed no responce
    looking directly where the door meets the wall.
    minutes before i occupied that spot
    head to the wall, hand to the glass
    i left it unlocked in hopes that in a mere few seconds youd realize something
    and return bright eyed with good news.
    i did it just asking for that slow opening pain in my chest
    that emptiness
    something ive grown into as normacly
    as i sat on the porch
    he peered through the blinds
    but not as he normally does
    not in that way welcoming us back
    he knew
    and in that second of realization
    one could almost hear the shatter
    as the pieces fell
    and the journy ended.
    LO
    Monday, July 11th, 2005
    3:46 am
    i hate nights like these
    i dont think i can do this
    like the flip of a switch
    im going to wake up to a new day and nothings going to be the same
    a different desk
    an empty bed
    a small overly priced apartment
    new streets
    new daily faces
    different friends
    just like that, im a different person.
    everything ive done in the last 2 years
    730 days
    even though its the reason that ill be standing in an unfamiliar doorway
    will all be soon forgotten
    pushed aside by new problems
    new concerns
    a new life.
    im leaving my roots
    im spreading my seed
    im maturing
    and i dont think all the things ive been holding on to for all these years
    will have room to join me
    i want to smile
    Wednesday, March 23rd, 2005
    11:27 pm
    by design
    if theres anything ive learned in the last 5 years its this:
    everything sounds better when its making noise
    but youll only really understand theres somethings wrong when it goes quiet.

    i know my place.
    Tuesday, March 22nd, 2005
    12:47 am
    a long walk to forever
    "Good luck," she said.
    "You too," he said. "Marry me, Catharine?"
    "No," she said.
    He smiled, stared at her hard for a moment, then walked away quickly.
    Catharine watched him grow smaller in the long perspective of shadows and
    trees, knew that if he stopped and turned now, if he called to her, she
    would run to him. She would have no choice.
    Newt did stop. He did turn. He did call. "Catharine," he called.
    She ran to him, put her arms around him, could not speak.
    Monday, March 21st, 2005
    12:01 pm
    I'm slipping in between, you and your big dreams, it's always you, in my big dreams
    and you dont wanna be here in the future
    so you say the presants just a pleasant interuption to the past
    and you dont wanna look much closer
    cause youre afriad to find out all this hope
    you had sent into the sky by now had
    crashed
    and it did
    because of me
    12:36 am
    3784717341
    if you look at it upside down and backward
    (as if it were 1995 and you still messaged people on pagers)
    it would kinda say inevitable.
    its a word i grew to hate
    not because of the situation at hand,
    which is where i learned that dirty word
    but because the way it made me feel.
    in 2001 i learned that the word pumpkin was its evil twin.
    so i sit here by the glare of a monitor and say aloud to myself:
    "inevitably pumpkin, lifes come full circle"
    and i mumble a curse under my breath
    once again, i should know,
    you cant escape what you are
    if that all makes little sense,
    this should do much better:
    a mouse was, one day, caught by a Lion.
    and, after much pleading, the mouse convinces the lion to let him go.
    Sometime later, the mouse hears that the lion has gotten a thorn caught in his paw
    and the mouse, whom he freed, comes and pulls the thorn out.

    we all have a place in this world
    im just starting to truly understand, that my place is the thorn
    Friday, March 18th, 2005
    6:09 pm
    life
    fallen into a hole
    please send help
    Thursday, November 11th, 2004
    3:20 am
    just dont think about it
    enjoy the time you have left.
    umm, yeah, right... BULLSHIT.
    im just saying that right now for the record.
    thats like telling someone to take a deep breath and to savor every moment of it
    and as they close their eyes and they get that small grin on their face,
    you shove their head underwater.
    you think they can savor that?
    a million thoughts racing their mind up
    a million thoughts head to one point
    to that very second
    that small little bit of time
    where all those thoughts millions of thoughts come crashing into one reality,
    the reality of the next breath.
    its not even something you can help really
    theres just no way around it
    you can fight it all you want, but the body will win everytime.
    then it hits you,
    all that water stinging your insides
    a pain like no other felt before, no matter how many times youve swallowed down the wrong pipe.
    a pain 100 times worse then when you just merely inhale water in your nose.
    that sting lasts for hours and leaves you uncomfortable
    this however, well, it lasts for the rest of your life.
    Friday, October 29th, 2004
    12:07 pm
    if this doesnt make your eyes watery you just arent human
    http://www.cnn.com/2004/US/10/28/child.stabbed.ap/index.html

    Child to 911 dispatcher: 'My daddy killed me with a butcher knife'

    Thursday, October 28, 2004 Posted: 8:02 PM EDT (0002 GMT)

    TACOMA, Washington (AP) -- A seriously wounded 8-year-old boy calmly described his father's deadly knife rampage during a call for help to 911. "My daddy killed me with a knife and I'm gone," the boy told a dispatcher. "Can you please send the Army men or the ambulance?"

    The soft-spoken child gave a wrong address and then hung up. But a second dispatcher called back, keeping him on the line while a frantic search was under way.

    On Wednesday, authorities released the remarkable tape of Anthony Sukto's calm courage during the October 22 ordeal, and the frantic efforts to find him.

    "What's going on there?" asked dispatcher Kristine Woodrow.

    "My daddy killed me with a butcher knife," Anthony said.

    "How did that happen if you are talking to me?" Woodrow asked.

    "Because," Anthony answered. "I don't know what happened, but something. He grabbed knives. I woke up. My dad, he was killing my mom and then my, my, my dad told me to go onto the other bed and then he's like, 'You're next,' and then he killed me. I'm still alive. I kind of survived."

    Woodrow said she wasn't sure if what she was hearing was for real.

    "He was extremely calm," she recalled Wednesday. "It wasn't a typical response from someone who had just witnessed what he witnessed or had just been attacked."

    Woodrow said while police and firefighters tried to find where Anthony was calling from, she tried to keep him on the phone.

    "Are you bleeding, Anthony?" she asked. "Uh huh," he answered.

    "Where are you bleeding from?" she asked. "From my stomach," he said.

    "Are you there by yourself?" Woodrow asked. "No. My mom is already dead and I am the only survivor," he said.

    Authorities found the home minutes later when the child's father, Tony Sukto, 36, flagged down a fire truck. Sukto has been charged with the murder of his wife, Pranee, 39, and attempted murder of his son, and has pleaded innocent.

    Anthony underwent surgery for lacerations to his liver and is recovering.

    Woodrow said she wants to visit the little boy to tell him something she didn't get a chance to before.

    "I want to tell him how amazing he is," she said. "I don't think he knows that."
    Thursday, September 16th, 2004
    3:56 pm
    im getting old
    further seems forever - make it a part

    Take second chances
    Everyone deserves it
    Though only some..

    Take in forgiveness
    Everyone deserves it
    Though only start to

    Let it rise
    Let it fall
    Let it climb
    Let it crawl on me

    Let it live
    Let it die
    Let it laugh
    Let it cry on me

    Make it a part of who we are
    So much left worth living for
    Make it a part of you and me
    So much left for us to see
    Make it a part of every turn
    So much left for us to learn
    Make it a part until the end
    So much left to learn again

    Love is coming
    Love won't let you die alone
    Love is coming
    Love won't let you try alone
    Love is coming
    Love won't let you cry alone
    Love is coming
    Love won't let you die alone
    Thursday, September 2nd, 2004
    7:38 pm
    im coining a new phrase
    bro'mo

    obviously stands for bro homosexual
    looked for it on the net to no avail so hopefully this will be the first entry if anyone goes looking.
    so welcome to ground zero.

    bro'mo best suits guys in wife beaters/tank tops at the gym with gay tattoos (unfortunately i have to say barbwire is still "tough"), any really gayness about them (aside from jock ass slapping ect), or like hawiian type seat covers. basically a bro with anything iffy.
    not saying homosexuals are bad (im trying to revert all the times i say "homo" to "religious") but you know to a bro it would be like death.
    Saturday, August 28th, 2004
    4:45 am
    its official
    i bought an EVO 8 and its WAY too much car for me.
    Friday, July 30th, 2004
    10:26 am
    im talking to myself in the shower again without the water on
    ive been feeling that the decline of many things are lingering near me recently, or at least thats what the empty sad feeling that coats the inside of my stomach and tugs on my lungs with its cutting whispers has been telling me. uncertainty is the killer that breeds deep in my mind with its relentless sidekick of hopelessness. i feel like a curse to everyone i spend more than a moments time with. just once id like to wake up with the feeling of belonging and knowing that everything is gonna be alright, but i guess that feeling is just not for me.
    Monday, July 19th, 2004
    11:41 am
    bad things come in 3s... im waiting for the third.
    if today would have never happened my life would be better off
    and its not even noon
    Monday, June 7th, 2004
    2:38 pm
    thanks for taking the following:
    2 large white bowls
    2 ice cube trays
    large butcher knife
    cutting board
    nucco margerine
    measureing cup
    paper towels
    soy sause (including what was in the table container leaving it empty)
    rice cooker spoon
    and im sure countless other items waiting to be discovered missing (probably food related)



    seriously... vegan margerine
    Friday, May 7th, 2004
    3:17 pm
    so, yeah
    i just realized that i no longer need to speak/type/think/express views/or any other form of communication.


    id delete all this shit but it would take me far too long and i obviously dont care.
    Wednesday, May 5th, 2004
    2:16 pm
    im pretty sure i can arrive...
    you ever get to the point where your stomach always hurts
    you want to rip out all your hair
    yell until youre coughing up blood
    and then go into a comma for like 15 months
    in hopes that when you wake up you can no longer see cause someone stole your eyes?
    Friday, April 30th, 2004
    9:06 am
    homework
    1.Go into your LJ's archives.
    2.Find your 23rd post (or closest to).
    3.Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
    4.Post the text of the sentence with these instructions


    renders you utterly useless


    youd think after like 2 years id have had some sort of mood change.
    and yes, sadly its lyrics to a juliana theory song.
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